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February 19, 2021

Divorce is hard on everyone involved in it, especially the children. You and your spouse may no longer be able to live together. But you must both now live for your children, and you must do your utmost to protect them from the consequences of the divorce. 

To do right by your children, you must protect your right to raise them. That is why you should hire a Pleasanton CA family law attorney. A Pleasanton CA family lawyer will ensure that your parental rights are preserved. A Pleasanton CA divorce attorney will also work hard to get you a fair child custody settlement. 

Perhaps the most difficult part of going through a divorce is helping your children through it. Divorce will spur a range of feelings within you; it will also require you to adjust to your new situation financially, mentally, and emotionally. Your children will have to deal with like conditions, and it is up to you to help them adapt to the new family dynamics. 

Here are some tips to help you: 

1. Always tell the truth 

You must always be honest about divorce—that it is final and irrevocable. You should not entertain any notions your child may have of you and your ex getting back together. You will need to use your best judgment when explaining the situation to them. Younger children may not need as many details. 

2. Keep your anger to yourself 

Your kids don’t need to know about any resentment towards the other parent. Don’t use them as sounding boards for the issues you have with your ex. This will only make them feel like they are the reason for the divorce, and you must always make it clear that this is not the case. 

3. Be open and communicative 

You should encourage your kids to ask questions. It is their life too. Because they are still in your care, they cannot take certain actions on their own. However, they deserve to know what will happen to them and what, if anything, they will need to give up. 

You should also tell your children about upcoming events and significant changes before they occur. This will give them time to adjust to their new life. 

4. Work with the other parent 

You will need to find a way to work with your ex. If you do not have the best personal relationship, you should agree to form consistent rules when it comes to your kids. Work these out ahead of time so that your kids know what to expect. And you should avoid arguing over such rules in front of them. 

5. Show patience, compassion, and understanding 

Bad behavior is a natural response to divorce. It comes from a place of anger, fear, sadness, and confusion. You must identify these feelings before you respond to them. You must also recognize your child’s right to be angry, anxious, and despondent. Remember, you have the same feelings about the divorce. It is possible to validate your child’s feelings without condoning their bad behavior. 

6. Make them feel safe 

One of the most important things you can do is make your home a safe place—a place where your kids want to be. You should spend quality time with them every day; and you should do all that you can to make sure they feel loved. 

Do not be afraid to speak to a therapist if you believe it is necessary. Your Pleasanton CA child custody attorney can help you find one. Your child may also need professional help adjusting to the divorce. Getting such help for your kids does not make you a bad parent. Quite the opposite is the case. 

A Pleasanton CA divorce lawyer will help you forge child custody that works for everyone. If you are about to divorce, you should speak to a Pleasanton CA child custody lawyer at the Tierney Law Group.